Super Smash Big Brother
by Rilin
Summary: The doors are locked, the cameras are rolling, and the fights are progressing to Melees and Brawls. The strange man from Newcastle and the equally strange woman from somewhere else are in the mansion, and no-one can tell what will happen...
1. Welcome Housemates

Chapter 1: The Housemates

* * *

_8:15 AM. The Super Smash Brothers are in the Living room. Big Brother will talk to the Super Smash Brothers in one minute._

Mario tried to leave the room, to no avail (1). He then turned as red as his overalls. A voice coming from no-where startled him. Cuz, like, who wouldn't be startled by an unexpected disembodied voice?

"Super Smash Brothers, This is Big Brother. You have been selected to star in a reality TV show which examines the breakdown of morals and social order in a isolated group. You are currently being broadcast around the globe. Please do not swear-"

"Who the fuck arranged this deal?" shouted Fox.

"Pikachu, Fox has just volunteered to help you test your thesis: 'Electricity cannot kill Super Smash Brothers'. The arena is not currently active; you can use it to prevent any mess on the floor."

Fox screamed at the evil grin that had overtaken Pikachu's face, making him look like a yellow and black Cheshire Mouse.

"The doors are now locked and you are now sealed inside of the mansion." A scream came from the arena and the remaining Brothers clapped.

"We have built a Diary Room that is connected to the back door of the mansion. This is where you must go if you wish to talk to Big Brother. Big Brother will give further instructions in five minutes."

Pikachu walked back into the room, the Cheshire grin once again on his face.

"Well, it's holding out so far, he's still breathing. Just" he added under his breath. Fox crawled back into the room, dragging himself jerkily as the electricity affected his muscles.

* * *

Mario fiddled with his cap. Donkey Kong plaited (yes, plaited) his eyebrows (imagine Donkey Kong with plaits. Now laugh. I mean it or no more Super Smash Big Brother). Link impaled his foot with the Master Sword. Samus fiddled in switches. Samus' arm cannon blew up. Kirby stole Mario's hat and ate it. Mario pulled out a white hat with a red 'M' and fiddled with it. Fox shot his blaster at Link. Link pulled the Master Sword out of his foot (2a) and reflected the shot (2b) back at Fox. Fox used his reflector to shoot the bolt back at Link. Link and Fox started a game of laser pong. Pikachu decided to be the next Baron Frankenstein (sans the lightning rod). Yoshi tied his tongue in a knot. None of them liked waiting, so the news that they had to was unwelcome.

Luigi stepped back from the glass dome(notice there is always a glass dome on the roof of all important buildings) and put the glass cutter back in the bag of tools(3) and pulled out a grappling hook. He walked over to Captain Falcon to -

"Show me your moves!"

Luigi's eye's glazed over.

"Would you like to shut up?!" he screamed, picking up Captain Falcon and throwing him (with considerable effort) through the hole in the glass dome. He carried on walking to find Ness and Jigglypuff. One of them would listen to him.

* * *

Samus walked over to the door Pikachu had dragged Fox through.

"Hey guys, what's this button do?" said Samus, pointing at a button that said '1P'.

"No idea, press it," said Yoshi,(summing up the last words said by all those parts of the world underwater, fenced off or still smoking) before pressing it himself.

The floor dropped from the room, and the entire contents, excluding all furniture and anything else not living, dropped with it. The floor then rose back up, but with none of the SSB on it.

A voice rang out again in the room underneath.

"Choose your Character!"

"I'll-a do it," said Mario, "Whatever-a it is."

He appeared through a warp pipe, on the roof of Hyrule Castle. Link appeared in a light from above, near the spire.

"Link! What's-a going on?"

"Who is Link?" he replied in a monotone.

"3...2...1...GO!"

Link pulled out his bow and drew an arrow. Mario ducked just in time.

"If that's-a how you want to play-a this..."

Link pulled out a bomb. Mario shot a fireball at him, causing the bomb to explode in Link's face. Link plummeted off the roof. Mario rushed over to the edge and looked down. He saw Link become engulfed in a blast of light, and then... nothing.

Where had Link gone? And where were the others?

* * *

And it's off. If you want a specific character to win, from any of the games, PM me with who you want to win. I'm also hoping to have more spoofs of movies and stuff.

(1) – This was not because the door was locked, but it was a glass door next to a plate glass window which he has walked into.

(2a) – insert Star Wars lightsaber sound effect here.

(2b) – insert Star Wars deflected bolt sound effect here.

(3) – which he had stolen from a man on the next building, who fell through another glass dome into a hall full of terrorists. Shortly after a bout of excitement, 007 met Ian Flemming.


	2. The Challenge

Chapter 2: The Challenge

* * *

Link dropped into a chair, made of plastic that had been inflated, with tube lights running through the arms.

"The hell am I doing here?"

"Link, this is Big Brother. You have been selected to take part in the weekly challenge. If you fail you will have to make do with a basic shopping budget in order to buy food and necessities to last the week."

"We have to buy our food?"

"Yes. Big brother will grant a larger shopping budget to the Housemates if you succeed."

"Who the fu-" he paused, remembering Fox making the same mistake earlier. "-dge," he finished, "thought up that idea!"

"Are you even there?" he called out.

"Yes. Your challenge will be revealed later, when the group has reassembled."

"So what now! Do I just leave?" Link called, but nobody answered.

* * *

Yoshi was sitting in a machine, which was complicated enough to confuse his simple mind (1). He understood, vaguely, what it was for when a bulb flashed, and a different coloured Yoshi appeared, and dropped through a hole in the floor. The light flashed again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again...

"I never knew I could count to fifteen!" he cried in amazement, then followed his multi-coloured brethren through the hole.

* * *

Mario came out of another warp pipe, this time to Yoshi's Island. A Yoshi dropped from the ceiling, and landed on Mario's head. More and more appeared, until he was buried under a mountain of the things. Another dropped, and threw an egg at him. With the mountain (well less of a mountain, more of a hill. Guess he was making a mountain out of a Yoshi-Hill) on top of him, he couldn't dodge it. The egg hit him and exploded, startling the Yoshi's into running, with him in the midst of them. Unfortunately, the direction they chose was straight off a cliff. As the Yoshi's dissipated, Mario dropped through the invisible barrier, back into the lounge.

"Mario, as punishment for using the 1P button, you are banned from using the moustache trimming facilities for one week."

"No! Wait, it's only me who has a moustache! Who else has-" he shuddered, "Please tell me it's not Samus!"

"It is not Samus."

"Then who is it?"

"It will be revealed when the Smashers reassemble."

"Well, when are they- Speak of the devil."

"Don't speak about the eternal source of damnation!" cried Pikachu, "He can hear you! Quickly, make the sign of the almighty Wright to prevent him from appearing!"

"Shut. Up. About. The. 'Almighty. Wright.' Now." snarled Link.

"Housemates, Big Brother has two announcements to make. Firstly, Link has been selected to take part in this week's challenge, which will be to eat 20 Super-Spicy Curries, without taking a drink. However, he will have to eat them without pausing between each one. If he succeeds, you will be granted a luxury shopping budget of £7 per person. If he fails, you will only be given a basic shopping budget of £3 per person. The task will take place tomorrow.

"Second, there will be new Smashers arriving to be Housemates. The first four are as follows; Ness, Captain Falcon-"

"Hell no!" Screamed Samus.

"Jigglypuff-"

"Dear Wright, Save us!"

"And Luigi."

Mario just stood dumbfounded.

"The new Housemates should be arriving about-"

A small ball of electricity smashed through a window above, and a high pitched scream followed. Captain Falcon fell from the hole in the glass dome, and tried to cover up his fall by turning it into a Falcon Kick. Needless to say, he failed. Next, what looked like a large, pink balloon dropped from the ceiling, followed by a short boy wearing loose shorts, a striped top, a red baseball cap and a backpack. The Smashers who hadn't fallen from the ceiling looked on in mild-mannered humor I.e. they were rolling on the floor, but staying away from Fox, who had wet himself.

Luigi dropped from the ceiling like a stone, admittedly like a stone which was on fire. Mario picked him up and started screaming incomprehensibly at him in Italian.

"Once again, through English." Luigi asked.

"What are you doing here? Who's protecting Princess Peach from Bowser?"

"Last I saw, they were playing Texas hold 'em. Bowser had a two pair and Princess Peach was waiting on an ace from the river for a straight flush."

"You have technology, right? Do you got a remote control for Pedro 1 and Pedro 2 over there?" Fox muttered to Samus.

"Got something better," Samus replied, before screaming "I'm-a Firin' Ma Laser!"

Mario and Luigi were engulfed by a huge laser beam, while Samus ran to get a spare Power Suit.

* * *

Sorry 'bout the last little bit, couldn't resist using the 'firin' ma laser' bit. Anyway, review/Pm me with who you want to stay in, who you want to get evicted, and any 3rd party characters you fancy seeing, I might add them for the hell of it! Focker Out!

1: meaning there were more than two buttons and a light bulb.


	3. The Nominations

Disclaimer: I do not own SSB(which is owned by Nintendo) or Big Brother(which is owned by Channel 4, I think), and Dermot O'Leary has no affiliation with Nintendo(unless he plays their games, I wouldn't know) or me. Any references to real persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental(1).

* * *

To SSBBLB

_9:20AM. Most of the smashers are in the living room._

"What are we doing again?" asked Ness.

"We are waiting for Link to run out of the kitchen screaming in pain," came the reply from Pikachu.

Fox looked up." Does that mean we miss the fun?"

"No," said everyone at once.

* * *

_Mario, Luigi and Link are in the kitchen._

"So, why are we here again?"

"Link has to eat 20 Super-Spicy Curries, and we have to set them on fire."

"What?"

"Do you think they have a special sauce which bursts into flames when it comes into contact with curry? No, Just me and you with the pyrokinesis."

"Am I even a part of this?" asked Link.

"Eat." Mario said, putting 20 curries in front of him and setting them on fire.

_9:23AM. Link is in the kitchen._

"One more, and I'm done," he muttered to himself, before collapsing into the curry and setting his hat on fire.

* * *

"Hello and welcome to Super Smash Big Brother's Little Brother! I'm your host, Marmot O'Deary" (1: Except this one!) "I am here to bring you news from the smash mansion, and special visitors who will give us an insight on the minds of the smashers as they try to cope with being cramped up in the mansion together! Today we have leading psychiatrist C. Hand.

"Mr Hand, can you tell us what is going on in the smasher psyche at the moment?"

"Please, call me Crazy."

"Um, why?"

"BECUZ I SED SO N00B AND I PWN U!!!!!!111!!!!one000111001one010011010one01010!"

"O.K. Then... Crazy... what is going on in the smasher psyche at the moment?"

"Well, there are conflicting emotions for each of the smashers in the mansion. For example, Mario, the front man of the smashers, is trying to stop the smashers from being hurt, FIGHTINGDUZNTWURKN00B!!!!!1001one!!, but at the same time, he is worried about Princess Peach, AAAARARRARARRRARARRARRSLEEPSWITHLLTHEMENZ!!!AAARARARARARAR!!!, and is angry at Luigi for leaving her with Bowser."

"And the others?"

"Who cares about them, I cant be bothered with this anymore. I need my psycho meds."

"O...K... Next Time on BBL- Sorry, SSBBLB, we have Bowser and Princess Peach on to discuss their feelings about each other. Goodbye!"

* * *

_9:25AM. Most of the smashers are in the Living Room_

"Dammit, I hope Link is O.K." Muttered Pikachu, while the others murmured agreement.

"Don't worry, Mario's getting his first aid kit out." Said Luigi.

* * *

_Link is in the Medical Room_

Link coughed once.

* * *

_Mario is in the Bedroom_

"I should thank Master Hand that we even have a medical room," He said, pulling out a first aid kit,

"and that he keeps Gaviscon in the cupboards."

* * *

_10:45AM. All of the smashers are in the living room._

"Smashers, this is Big Brother. It is time for the weekly nominations. You will be called one at a time to the diary room so choose who you would like to be evicted. The 5 Smashers with the most nominations will be put to a public vote to decide who is evicted."

* * *

_Mario_

"I would like to evict Luigi, because I don't think much of his choice to leave Princess Peach with Bowser.

_Donkey Kong_

"Ness"

_Link_

"I'm gonna' pick Mario, cause he beat me and I'm a sore loser. Also, he set my hat on fire, so, yeah..."

_Kirby_

"JJJJJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!" Kirby pulled out an electric guitar, and plugged it straight into the camera. The strange woman (Wherever she is) screamed in pain.

"Also, Link sucks and should leave."

_Fox_

"I pick Link"

_Pikachu_

"I think Mario should go"

_Luigi_

Kirby burst in, wielding his electric guitar. Ness used PK Thunder to turn it into an actual electric guitar, before dragging Kirby's limp form out.

"Yeah, Kirby sucks ba-"

_Ness_

"Kirby sucks ba-"

_Jigglpuff_

"Ness"

_Captain Falcon_

"I pick Luigi"

_Yoshi_

"Buh??"

_Samus_

Samus aimed at the camera, then fired a missile.

---Technical Difficulties---Please Stand By---

* * *

So up for eviction are Mario, Luigi, Link, Ness and Kirby. This story has now been taken over by Go-Go-Go. She will put a poll on her profile about who should be evicted. Please vote on the poll or this story won't be able to be continued.


End file.
